Archive for the ‘WTF??’ Category

Trust me, it hurts. A lot. Like swallowing a thousand razor blades in a mouthful of drool, and it leaves you choking and a little panicked by it all. So anyway, tons of meds and some AWESOME, GODSENT mouthwash, and I have moved beyond the insanity and the creeping anxiety everytime I felt the need to swallow. It made me freak out a little when the walk-in doctor asked if the doctors in the emergency department had even looked in my mouth the previous day….  Hmmm thanks emerg!

Now onto a subject that is just exhausting me! And I’m white! And privileged in ways I am sure I have not yet acknowledged! And I’m heterosexual! And I’m middle class! Did I mention I am white? And I live in Canada!  

 ENOUGH with the slant eye gesture! Es tu Miley? Es tu Miley?


Now I could start the whole southern-God-fearing-trailerpark-cousin-marrying-idiot-parent analogies, but  that would be uncalled for. And I would only gain a moment of satisfaction until the self-loathing would creep in. So I rise above.

So, it’s the racist ‘chink eye’ gesture again. Dude, my Chinese daughter does not need to see that shit from a Disney Billion Dollar Empire. And can I once again say how incredibly sick I am of the non-apology? (See here).  And that poor Asian guy in the picture, just coming to realize that his friends are a bunch of racists. Sigh.  

Miley says her actions were taken out of context. I have a tidy little sum running on whether she knows what that actually means. All she has to do is provide said context. And poor Miley, she was just trying to make ‘goofy faces’. Because, you know, those asians are really goofy looking. How can she be expected to control herself?  And the kicker is that she can’t believe SHE is being targetted for being a racist when God has a plan for her and the evil media are just trying to get hits on their websites or copies of trashmags sold, and her fans know her heart, and she’s really just a young, silly girl. Wow. It sucks to be the victim doesn’t it Miley? Because of course how could some slant eye ever understand anything about being marginalized, being discriminated against or having to watch some un-taught child do the equivalent of calling you the n-word? Because that gesture is exactly the same thing. The. Exact.Same.Thing.  And please don’t argue, because as a whitey you (and me) do NOT get to tell people of colour what is and is not racist. You just don’t.

And now I’d like to hate-on so called allies. You know who you are. You are the white parents of children of colour who don’t want your children to see racism behind every tree. You don’t want your child to run away with a ‘victimhood’ mentality, or to be ‘oversensitive’, or to walk around being constantly ‘offended’.  You say you’ll be there ‘if’ they encounter racism. IF?!  What you are teaching them is that YOU are insensitive! YOU are sending them the message that being one of ‘those’ people is not desirable. Of course your child never mentions anything about being the victim of racism…. because you, the parents, are racist. And the zipper is stuck on your white privilege bag. And it’s hard, but you have to be willing to learn, to unpack and do better. Your children deserve it. The gesture is not in good fun, the gesture perpetuates the beliefs of a racist society. If you are not Asian you do not know what it’s like to be Asian. If you are not adopted, you will never know how it feels to be adopted. These are not things we should teach our children to let ‘roll off their backs’. We need our children to know that we know it’s wrong and we will not let them navigate through a racist world without us having their back. And working actively to dismantle a power structure that refuses to fundamentally acknowledge and accept our children. Our children of colour. Yes, sometimes I hate my fellow adoptive parents. We can be so fucking clueless.

And once again the way to apologize is to say “I’m sorry. I’ll do better” and then sit down and shut up. A little hint in case you are having trouble formulating an apology, never, ever use the word “if”. Never.

Mara ~ I think I’m back 🙂


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Dear neighbour gentleman,

Please be assured that when The Guy passed your truck on the highway it was not a personal affront. No offense was intended and we are very sorry. And please be advised it is not okay to pull your vehicle into our driveway in a fit of pique to yell about aforementioned Guy’s unforgivable driver error. It is especially not okay to ever physically accost anyone. Also? It is totally not cool to scream IN FRONT OF A TERRIFIED FOUR YEAR OLD. Ever. And didn’t your mother ever teach you that it is not polite to point? As was mentioned, The Guy would be happy to talk to you about your concerns in private re: his irresponsible driving. And when someone asks you to stop yelling in front of a child who has NEVER been exposed to such barbaric behaviour, please respect the request and dissist from continuing your tirade. Your loud, obnoxious tirade. Also? After you repeatedly ignore very respectful requests to lower your voice and to STEP OFF, please realize that it comes to the point where we feel a bit threatened and we have no choice other than to mention the police.  Please leave our property when we respectfully (without raising voices even!) ask or we feel we must protect ourselves and call the police to have you removed.

Also? Please look out for advertisements for assistance in dealing with road rage issues. I feel they may be of great benefit to you. And taking a deep breath and counting to ten can avoid much neighbourhood discord and awkwardness.  Please also remember that kindness is often a better choice as you just never know what battles we could be fighting inside. Would you have acted the same way if you knew that the Guy’s mom was missing and we had just found out? Would you have terrified my daughter if you knew your actions would result in days of anxious questions from a sensitive little girl? Questions like why did that man yell? I do NOT like that man! Where does that man live? Is that angry man coming here again? How do you suggest I comfort her? And please realize that I wanted to shield her from the harsh realities of the world a little longer, because her life has not always been all sunshine and roses and she feels loss deeply.  And she has suffered great loss.  And all the work I do to try to make her feel safe and loved and cherished can all too easily slip away when she sees the scary stuff that can happen outside her door. And I couldn’t even protect her from the scary stuff that lives across the street.

And I understand that substance abuse issues can cause erratic behaviour and can lead to unpleasantness. And alcoholism is a cruel and vicious disease. And for that I am truly sorry. See? We all have personal demons, and I think we could all use some grace.  I just don’t want those demons around my child or on my property ever again.

Thank you.


Your country neighbour

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You guys are the best! Thanks for the notes both private and here.

She has now signed herself out against medical advice.

And now there is a missing person’s report in TWO cities with her name on them. And what happens if/when she gets back to the condo and wonders what the smell is, and oh I dunno….  “WHERE the fuck is my DOG?”

Mara ~ I feel like maybe she’ll knock on my door, and then what would I do?

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Sigh. Let’s just get the sigh, and the deep breath out of the way.

I’ve written about a family member’s struggle with mental illness here. Mostly I was just bitching about how it made me feel, all the disturbing and hurtful things she had done that had led me to back away.  And now things are worse than even I could have imagined in the middle of all my hurt, anger. indignation and outrage.

The Guy and I just learned that his mom has been hospitalized on a psychiatric ward since October 9th. And the details are disturbing and tragic. We are now piecing together a descent into a psychotic break that seems unreal. Getting on a plane, refusing to leave a hotel lobby in another city, paranoid delusions, fears of a cult trying to harm her, a crisis team intervention, throwing death threats and garbage off the balcony of her condo, questioning by police, trouble at work, missing person’s report……

Culminating in the building manager entering a stench filled condo and finding her dog Meesha curled up under a blanket. Dead. Left to starve.

So, now it’s about paperwork. And talks with psychiatrists and lawyers and the RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police). And talks with K. When The Guy called her she said: “Finally! When are you going to get me out of here?” We live many provinces apart and he hasn’t talked to her since June.  Since she threatened to take Squirt away and other weird stuff about Squirt’s first family. In hindsight there were signs. I guess we didn’t realize they were ~*#~*SIGNS~*#*!!!!!! And it’s about flying to another province to see what can be done, and making sure she is not defaulting on her mortgage. We know she refused to pay her condo fees because some other company took over and no one had to pay fees anymore. And they were after her, and trying to harm her. So ANYWAY…  financial stuff must be taken care of, so she does not become homeless on top of everything else.


Mara ~ it’s a little surreal

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Okay, this guy is a blowhard that does not deserve any kind of comment, but dude WTF???

At McCain/Palin rallies where effigies of Obama are hung, where the crowd shouts things like “terrorist” “Muslim” (so what if he was…) “kill him” “commie” “traitor” etc etc, why are people who incite hate not being called to the mat by their own party. Is this what conservatives have become in the US? Close minded, racist, isolationist bigots? Please tell me there are more decent conservatives than Colin Powell or David From out there. What is wrong with these people. It’s some kind of bizarro alternative universe where it’s not really about conservative issues like self determinism, small governments and a free market. It’s about who can be the most successful at ‘otherizing’ an historic candidate.

Please go see racist remarks that go unchecked by Rush Limbaugh while Obama has to constantly repudiate John Lewis, why does McCain not have to constantly repudiate Limbaugh.

Wanna know what else I hate? Dick Pound, part of the international Olympic committee (a Canadian) recently said in an interview that we were a land of savages only 400 yrs ago.   First Nations groups in Canada, not so happy with being referred to as savages. Understandable. The best part though is what comes next, you know the apology…  I’m so sorry if what I said offended anyone, that was not my intent and savage is not a derogatory term.

DUDE! This is what I like to call the NON-apology. It’s not “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings”, it’s “I didn’t mean it THAT way, and also? you’re wrong, because I said it was not offensive”  That’s a neat trick right? Appear to be saying sorry but still maintain your racist bastardness. Listen old, white guy, you do not get to determine what is and is not offensive to a group of people that have been systematically abused by a racist government and where inequality is STILL the order of the day. I am so sick of the non-apology! Next time you mess (and we know you well Dick), just say “I am sorry” and shut the eff up.

Mara ~ thank you and good night

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All my readers (all three of them, lol) know I am a liberal, and to my one Canadian reader, liberal isn’t even a bad word EVEN if you are a conservative. That may seem hard to believe but, conservative, liberal, socialized medicine, ‘spread the wealth’, are not inherently derisive terms in Canada.

Anyway, I may not be able to vote in the US election, but it’s probably pretty obvious that if I could Obama would be my guy. Now, because I am white, no one will ever even make the insinuation that I am voting for him just because he happens to be black. And I am a nobody. Seriously. Few people know my name. I have never accomplished anything that would be covered by the Associated Press. I’ve never been on TV, I’ve never saved a life. I am a boring, unaccomplished individual. I get up, work, love my family, read to my daughter, walk my dogs, blog about stuff, go to church, volunteer in my kids’ classroom, do the laundry and deal with the cray-zee. Simply because I benefit from privilege no one would dare question my vote for Barack Obama.

Then there’s Colin Powell. Definitly not a nobody. Someone with an exemplary professional career. Someone important on the world stage. Someone that made decisions that very directly impacted life and death. Someone who travelled the world, met with world leaders and dignitaries, who held very high positions and was well respected from both sides of the aisle. The thing is, see, he’s black. Apparently his accomplishments don’t account for much. He is unable (of course!) to endorse Obama through any type of thoughtful examining of the issues. His education, accomplishments, professional standing and value system are not only disregarded, but are even called into question as to whether or not they actually existed at all.  And if they did exist, it was not due to his ability, but by benevolence of the (white) people around him. Pat Buchanan is calling him an affirmative action general, Rush Limbaugh is implying that it’s all about race.  And to define his decision as having to only do with skin colour and not an alignment of ideology is a GINORMOUS illustration that white privilege lives on. See, the white, conservative, republicans that vote for McCain will never ever ever ever ever be asked if they are voting for John just because he is white.  And white, conservative republicans that are going to vote for Obama (and there are some if the polls are to be believed) are also not going to be asked if they are voting for ObamaPowell’s public endorsement for Obama, and his thoughtful discourse on race, and his decision for this election are a reflection of the thoughtful person I have always seen him to be. Not the black person I thought him to be….

Mara ~ when a campaign begins to appeal to the worst in us, and not aspire to the best in us, well that’s just wrong.

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I would like to let you know that I am fiercely pro-choice. I would also like you to understand that this does not mean I am pro-abortion or anti-life. Can you see that I am pro-choice and pro-life? It’s true. And those convictions can rest in the same small brain at the same time.  Without it even exploding.

True story.

Mara – please do NOT send me anymore fetus pictures. Thank you.

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