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Archive for the ‘Foster care’ Category

What a crazy respite weekend! With 2 – 15yr olds and a 9 yr old boy here for the weekend…  well let’s just say it was eventful. Things you might have heard me say:

“I am NOT talking to anyone until they have put their shirt back on!”

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“Uhhh, NO you CAN NOT drink the ketchup. Seriously? The ketchup?”

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“What is that smell? Was that you? Do NOT blame the dog! Next time leave the room before you do that!”

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“Videotapping my butt is not funny. Stop laughing! Stop video taping my butt! RIGHT NOW!”

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“I’m happy you’re here too!”   (this one got me all choked up!)

Mara~ “No I will not touch your ‘six-pack’!”

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“Jesus put me on this earth to tell you what to do!”

Dude, you need that written into your marriage vows 🙂

Mara ~ therapeutic foster kids are awesome!

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I love doing therapeutic foster care. Even when I feel like I want to pull out my hair with three teenage boys visiting the house, I love it. Sometimes though the minutae slips away and I am angry at people and the damage they have done to their children. Angry. And I know we all have demons and some parents have lived impossible lives themselves. And I’m usually good at living in the moment, and dealing with whatever comes up. And it’s just not my job to judge. Still, sometimes I feel angry.

Children should never have legs broken by their parents, or be so severely neglected that their developmental delays may never be overcome.  And drugs and alcohol and all the following ramifications. And abuse of all types, and neglect, and pain and hurt. And an education system that treats kids like they need special ed, or a medical profession that medicates everything, in the exact same way. And the stigma of foster care. It’s really too much.

And the kids? They’re awesome. They really are. Resilient and strong and broken and amazing. Really. You should all be in awe. And humbled.  And I want to pick up the broken pieces and tape it all up until it’s good as new.  But I can’t. I’ll help though. And my house is here when foster parents need a little break, and my house is safe. It’s not much of a house, but there is food and laughter. And a Wii.

So hug your kids if you have them. And know that we are part of many families in our lives and biology isn’t everything….  It’s a huge part of who you are and where you came from but it’s not everything.

And love? It is the most amazing thing. We have an infinite capacity.

Mara ~ whose ‘kids’ are giving her more than she could ever give them.

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Short version.

bellanbone

  • My 16yr old dog died. I am sad. My child was inconsolable. Which made me more sad.  I still find myself looking at her blanket or going to get her dog food or finding some hair under the furniture. Poor Bella.  It was odd how it happened. Quick thankfully, but not really expected.  I mean she moved relatively slowly, she was thin, her eyes were cloudy.  She hadn’t eaten in a couple of days (not unusual, she’d done that her whole life), but one afternoon I found her lying in her own pee looking lethargic. I bathed her, and she never liked baths. She had enough energy to drench me from head to toe, and to snort water all over me. I dried her off and put her on her bed. I went on to cook supper, clean up after the kids and went to check on her. Her respiration rate had gone way down, she was not too responsive. On the way to the vets she was still breathing but by the time we got there she was no longer breathing, had no corneal reflex… but her heart was still beating. We stopped her heart, my child wailed, The Guy and I cried. Say hi to dad Bella. We miss you.

 

  • BFF’s 4 month old daughter is sick, and has been flown to another facility to have her bone marrow tapped. Please pray.

 

  • MIL has finally broken her silence and actually communicated with The Guy. The good news is that we know she’s alive, her finances are being looked after and she’s taking her medication. The bad news is that she refuses to take any responsibility for anything and continues to look outside of herself for someone else to blame. Head games, poor decisions continue, and I fear we may end up with further hospitalizations etc. And as for the doctor saying you can leave the hospital? That does not mean he said you SHOULD leave the hospital.

 

  • I find it quite rich that in a letter sent to me by MIL she told me to get over the death of my father and that I was setting a poor example to my child by showing her I could not cope with anything. Hmmm. I know she’s mentally ill, but it’s hard not to have feelings when people say things like that to you. Get over it. Indeed.

 

  • This whole months has been a sea of respite therapeutic foster care for teenage boys. My house is filthy. I am drained. I found myself annoyed  when I felt one of the boys was not ‘grateful’ enough for all the accomodations and thought I was providing to make his stay as comfortable as possible. I quickly slapped myself . Is this why I do this? Gratitude? Nope? So shut up then. Okay.

 

  • There’s a huge controversy about this article.  Adoptive parents are scared a negative article about adoptions form Ethiopia will negatively affect the future of adoptions. There are lines being drawn in the sand. “I had a good experience!”  “I had a bad experience!” “Adoption is good!”  “Adoption is bad!”  “The article was biased and negative!” “The article brought to public attention irregularities!”  “These families are brave!” “These families are selfish!”  I’ll save my ideas for another post.  Though I must say I really do HATE,  HATE, HATE the title “Buying Babies”. Mostly it makes me tired.

 

  • I’m planning my daughter’s 5th birthday party. How did this happen? What a cliche… The time does fly though.

Mara ~ Spring is almost here!!!

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We had EB here for respite for a couple of weekends this month. As he is 13 he gets to go to bed a little later than Squirt.  She finds this situation inherently unfair and completely unacceptable.

Squirt: EB is lucky, he gets to stay up and play and I don’t. It’s not fair (insert a hmph, and arms crossing in front of her chest).

Mara: Honey EB is 13 and you’re 4 so he doesn’t need as much sleep as you do. He needs more time to have a bath and get ready for bed.

Squirt: Mama, when I am 13, can I stay up and play with EB?

Mara: Sure, but then he’ll be 22 and an adult by then.

Squirt: I am ANGRY! I want to stay up and play for a few more minutes!

Mara: Sorry honey, it’s bed time and EB stays up a little while longer. That’s just the way the boat floats.

Squirt: It’s not fair! And my boat is not floating and I am sad about that!

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After choosing a birthday present for her friend we were in the checkout line to pay. I noticed I did not have my debit card, nor my credit card to make the purchase. I explained to Squirt we would have to come back to get it. This resulted in tears and much drama.

Mara: Honey can you use your words and tell me what’s wrong?

Squirt: Okay <sniff, sniff>.  I have nothing for R’s party. Mama she is going to be so disappointed at me! I can’t go to the party!

Mara: Yes you can honey, we’ll explain it to her and we’ll make a play date where you can give her the birthday gift.

Squirt: Oh mama <sniff, sniff> she won’t be mad at me? She won’t be disappointed at me? Really? <sniff, sniff>

Yes, a sensitive little heart she has. My sweet girl. She opens my heart a little more each day.

Mara ~ I still need another baby 🙂

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Geez, she’s adorable

… says the completely unbiased mother.

Squirt: I don’t like it too hot. I don’t like it too cold. I like it just the right size.

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Squirt: Mama, EB (therapeutic respite foster care placement) went home?

Me: Yes he did honey.

Squirt: Are we still a foster family?

Me: Yes we are.

Squirt: Well… where all the kids are then?

You know, because they are all here simply for her amusement.

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After a COMPLETE meltdown leaving a friend’s house…  Tears, sweat, butt clenching, a little screaming thrown in.. I finally have her a little settled and buckled into her car seat.

Squirt(tearfully and sniffling): Oh mama I am so sad to be leaving A’s house!

Me: Yes, I understand. Sometimes it’s hard to leave somewhere when you are having a good time.

Squirt: Oh mama, A is going to be so sad without me. He is going to miss me! I am so sad for A.

You know, because she’s only thinking about her friend after all. She’s sweet like that.

Mara ~ love love love

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Fostering Saga continues….

So respite is over, and now they want us to think about a 10yr old girl, permanently. Well you know, as permanent as it should be, seeing that foster care is only supposed to be temporary. Yeah right.  It’s messy, complicated and sounds difficult. EXACTLY what we signed up for. Be careful what you wish for.

We meet her on Tuesday.

Mara ~ putting in new floors this weekend!

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