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Archive for July, 2008

Do not ever tell me that racism is not alive and well.

Do not ever tell me that society views adopted children as equal to birth children.

Do not ever tell me about how the racists I know, or who you have encountered are only bad apples and not indicative of systemic bias against people of colour.

Do not ever tell me that I don’t need to prepare my child of colour for living outside of the white privilege cloak that I currently provide for her.

Do not ever tell me that society in general doesn’t view some people as more Canadian/American/British etc than others.

Do not ever tell me that as people in positions of privilege that we do not benefit from an unbalanced power dynamic where we are always on the win side. Always. And do not shirk from acknowledging this fundamental truth in adoption.

Citizenship is the least we can do for those children brought into our families from overseas. Do not ever think that it is a privilege for adopted children, it is a right.

For parents that have not obtained citenship for their children do it NOW, and for goverments who deport adult adoptees, well there’s a special place for you in hell.

Jess Mustanich    ~   Erlene Sheperd      ~  Samuel Schultz

Don’t you want to be able to look your children in the face?

Mara ~ and some things stick in my craw

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Respite

Let’s call our respite placement guy EB for Energizer Bunny shall we? Therapeutic foster care is not for the faint at heart. Most of my difficulties lie with the incredibly heart wrenching details of how these children came to need therapeutic care. The abuse, the neglect, is often too hard to think about for any length of time. I often had to give my head a little shake so I didn’t have to dwell on the circumstances that brought EB here for respite care. It was never far from my mind though, as I could clearly see the effects of past trauma in his daily interactions. Hypervigilance is a draining, heartbreaking characteristic to cope with. 

We did have fun though. It was a bit odd at first, as your home is just overwhelmed with 13yr old-ness. And that was a bit of a shock to our system.  We did spend a lot of time laughing, and that was great. I think he had fun, he seemed to adjust well to being here. As is common to many children who have had numerous placements EB has difficulties with personal boundaries and social skills. But what amazed me (and made me immeasurably sad) was how he had normalized yet another home to stay in. He walked in, made himself at home, asked what was for supper, and looked for stuff to do. It is completely normal for him to move from one house to another. All children deserve stability and I’m sad that EB hasn’t had that in his life.

Our first respite was a success. Now that we have shown that we can deal with (challenging) therapeutic care they are looking to place a ten year old girl with us as a long term placement. I will keep you updated to see how that turns out!

Squirt misses her play companion. Apparently he was here solely for her entertainment 🙂

Mara ~ feet wet

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Things that should never be said or done in reference to adoption;

Gotcha day!

Paper pregnant!

Praying for someone to relinquish their child.

Asserting yourself (adoptive parent) as being the only ‘real’ parent.

Denial of issues of race in adoption.

Discounting adult adoptee voices.

Tones of entitlement.

Telling an adoptee that they are lucky.

Asking an adoptive parent intrusive questions in front of their child.

Making derisive comments about an adoptee’s country of birth in front of said child.

Little fake ultrasounds with the country from which you are adopting inside.

Mara ~ there’s more, but just so ya know 🙂

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Here we go…

First placement starts today! It’s only a week of respite, but it is therapeutic foster care (with a TEENAGER!), so what a way to get our feet wet!

I’m kind of nervous.

In an excited sort of way!

Mara – here we go

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