Archive for March, 2008

Stepping out

I’ve finally decided to become a member of the church I have been attending for the last couple of years. I did a little church shopping, then wanted to go to the church my grandparents built when they came to Canada, then asked myself why I wanted to go to church at all.  I am looking for something. I’m not sure what. I soon came to realize my desire to attend the church my grandparents built had more to do with my wanting to feel close to them, and would not address my searching issue. And I can find other ways to be close to my grandparents. I love cemeteries, and feel close to my grandparents there (some people think it’s creepy, sorry). I really do love them. So many people, of all ages, babies even. All with their own story. Their own heartbreak, triumph and joy.  Anyway, I love cemeteries. But…  I’ll never be buried in one. If anyone puts me in one, I will haunt their ass. Seriously.

Today’s sermon was about being “Simply Christian”.  It asked us what it meant to be a Christian. And the pastor was talking about how we are encumbered by all these layers. Traditions, theology, sanctimony, doctrine etc. And we lose sight that it is simply a connection with God. There is a difference between living as a Christian and being a Christian. I struggle a bit because I don’t agree with everything it says in the bible. I do NOT believe homosexuality is a sin, I am very firmly pro-choice (though I would argue that Christ is too), and I do not believe that Christ is our only ticket to heaven (however it is that we define that).  And I struggle so much with what so called Christians are capable of. The hate. The venom. The judgement. The self-righteousness. And just like D said, “God doesn’t need any more weirdos.” So I have to decide what it means to be a Christian for me, if I am going to commit to a home church.  To me, it means bringing the kingdom of God here to Earth. It means feeding the hungry, clothing the poor, loving your neighbour, and being connected to something greater than yourself.  So that’s what I am going to strive for.  I believe that God gave everything to be connected to me, and I was made in his image, and I matter infinitly to him. 

I want my daughter to have a sense of spirituality too.  She doesn’t have to be a Christian, I’m not going to shove anything down her throat. One of the most amazing things my mother did was expose me to many of the world’s great faiths. She brought me to the synagogue on Fridays, mass at a Russian orthodox church on Sundays, meditation groups on Wednesday evenings…  I’ve even been to the mosque. I’ve been in Buddhist and Taoist temples. I’ve done East Indian dancing and I have seen Hindu shrines. I was very fortunate. She brought me without judgement and told me to make a choice if/when I wanted to.  With all that exposure I learned that as people we are more similar than different. And as a world we are all in it together. I also learned that there is a difference between faith and how people choose to act on and interpret it. And most people long to understand something larger than themselves. I want something to believe in.  And today I believe in Jesus. Not just the dude himself, but what he stood for. And my discomfort with many Christians has nothing to do with Christ, but with the actions of the people themselves. And, I am not responsible for that. Plus, I think the new blog has thrown them off the trail. I can only hope.

Mara ~ and so starts my serious personal growth, bwah ha ha ha


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It starts early

Squirt comes out with the craziest things on our long drives into town. It usually happens when there is a lull in our conversation and everything has been quiet for a while.  Today out of the blue, she says, “Mama, I wish I was a baby growing in your belly right now.” A family friend is pregnant and I think Squirt is just trying to wrap her head around it.  I told her she didn’t grow in my belly, but I love her like she did. She asked where she ‘growed’. I told her she grew in her first mom’s belly in China. She was quiet. She gets this little furrowed eyebrow when she’s thinking about something. “Mama… where is her?” I told her I didn’t know. And in the eternal optimism of a three year old, she says; “Well, let’s go to China and find her.”

Happy Squirt 

Oh baby, I wish we could. I really do. And I am so sorry you have lost so much in your short, little life. But, I’m here for you no matter what, and we’ll figure it out. Together.

Mara~ she’s only three….. 

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Latest edicts

The following things have been heard coming out of Squirt’s mouth in the last little while.

While playing with the chickens from her barn: “Bwack bwack bwack Obama, you’re my best friend!”  I guess the chicken sounds like Sen Barack Obama’s name, and she has been paying way too much attention to the political discussions in this house! Plus ummm, we’re Canadian.

Still playing with the farm animals in her barn: “I’m sorry to miss you. How about we stay here forever and ever? The End!”

On the way into town, totally out of the blue: “Mama, I want to learn how to milk a cow tomorrow.” Ummm, okay?

We just celebrated our third family day and I must say that I am more honoured and in love with my kid every single day. Love really has the ability to grow exponentially. What a gift she has been! And, of course, I thought about her first mom, and I hope that somehow she is well and knows that her daughter is loved beyond reason and that we can all have a little peace.

Mara ~ where does the time go?

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Slavery exists. It’s something we shouldn’t tolerate. Anywhere. Please read about this awesome man and his incredibly brave battle to end slavery in Mauritania.

“I am convinced that a society that does not look at itself in the face is condemned” said Boubacar Messaoud.


Mara ~ some struggles are large

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Welcome to the new digs. I like keeping things fresh.  So I’m making some resolutions. I am going to try to check my potty mouth at the door. I do not guarantee that I will be totally successful, but it’ll be better.  I hope to keep the trolls out, and I still don’t think I’ll post comments, but we’ll see.  Happy Spring!

Mara ~ let’s declutter

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