A long time ago I never knew how adoption would become such a huge part of my life. When Squirt came into my life everything changed. I learned about how amazing she was, how complicated adoption was (is), and how to live with amazing joy was also to live with heartbreak. I admit I didn’t know everything I should have about adopting and issues of corruption, privilege, and race. So, I can’t pass judgement on all the clueless parents who wait for paperwork and lament the time it takes to get them ‘their’ child, or the marginalization of birthmothers, or the ignorance about the importance of race, because the truth is that I was an idiot like that once upon a time. Hell, I’m still an idiot a lot of the time.
But the truth is I love my kid, I love her firstfamily, and her country of birth. The truth is also I can’t love away the racism, or the act of adoption itself. Love is not enough. I will try to fill her up knowing that I might or might not be able to. I’ve grown so much in the last three years of being her mom. I have listened to voices I used to ignore, or voices I was just not aware of. I have listened to voices that have broken my heart, and voices that have taught me more than I could ever imagine.
And one of those first voices was a beautiful soul named Julia. She never knew me. I don’t think I ever commented on her blog though I read it for years, but it was her voice that gently showed me that I could be a better parent. How I could be a better parent. Julia was a Korean adult adoptee. But that’s not all she was to me, it certainly wasn’t that that defined her. I think she helped to make me a better parent. I’m thankful for that. Julia passed away this morning of Leukemia. And I’m so sad about it. We’ve lost a beautiful light with Julia’s passing. But I feel that her reach and her impact on those around her leaves a lot of light behind.
Squirt walks in her light. And I know that we’re all better for the light Julia gave to all of us.
My thoughts are with those grieving her loss on a much more personal level. I know what it looks, feels, and smells like to watch someone you love die right in front of your eyes. There is nothing anyone can say that changes any of it. And it takes your breath away. And I believe that those who love her will be with her again. I have to believe that. Faith is hard now. Sometimes surrender is really our only liberation.
Godspeed Julia. May you always walk in the light.
Mara ~
